Thursday, January 22, 2009

Turning 25

I've always thought it was crazy when people were upset about turning 30 or 40 etc. My sister started complaining she was old around 22. I've never thought to ask why. This week, my birthday has been weighing on me. I don't feel old. I just feel like I'm turning 25 and doing nothing with my life. I could've had my masters by now, if only I went onto grad school right away. In a way, I'm glad I didn't because I'm still not positive about what career I want to pursue. I might have picked something I hated. I at least know, Sociology/Criminology fields are not exactly what I want to spend the next 20/30 years doing.
I chose to move to NJ to have time to figure out what I wanted in life. So far, I'm not anywhere close to where I wish I were. I've been here 9 months and  am still not positive. There are certain things that I know I want. Other things, I want but I'm not sure how to get there. Right now, thanks to some friends, I'm working on knowing the basics to a possible career choice. It's exciting and I have a positive outlook. 
I must admit, I've never been one to work hard to get something I want. I assume, a lot of times it's a big deal for high schoolers to choose their college and degree. I had no choice but to go to OU. I'm glad that I went there but didn't have to make the decision. My junior year, we had to write a report about a certain field that we would like to enter into. I chose Criminology because I wanted to be in the FBI. OU had Sociology/Criminology. (I did do accounting classes my first quarter but then decided to stick with Sociology/Criminology.) What happened to my dream of being in the FBI? I assumed it was not likely so I didn't even try to go for it.  If I like someone, I don't do what I can to "win him over". 90% of the time the guy prob. has no clue. Needless to say, I'm 25 and still very single. I'm sure the list could go on. 
I seem not to learn from my mistakes. I always hope for things to happen but don't give 100%. I should've, and still could, made give 100% of an effort for everything. (should've, could've, would've) I still have more time in NJ to figure things out and hopefully learn from my mistakes. I'm really hoping 25 is a great year for me. (There I go hoping again, I told you I never learn.) If not, I'll just hope on 26! I guess, it's at least a good thing I recognize my faults.

4 comments:

Christina said...

Just a secret, a lot of people feel the same way. I'm sure 25 will be an amazing year for you! :) Miss you!

Marvin and Brenda Henry said...

You're doing great! Just put your trust in the Lord and He will guide you! =)

Alana said...

Thanks you guys! I have high hopes for it! :)

Ceruleluna said...

I must say when it comes to giving a 100%, I'm the same as you. Especially, when I was in school. I figured out that I didn't give a hundred % b/c I was scared that even if I did work my hardest and studied hard, that I still would do poorly on exams. So I did a mediocre job and got mediocre grades (in the hard classes). So if came down to fear. I'm not saying thats what it is for you -- maybe-- but thats what I learned about myself. So by not trying hard, regrets followed and I didn't come away with the most that I could have from the experience.